i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
