I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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