I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
