I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
