Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
