This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
