summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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