Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
