I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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