my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
