you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
