I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I AM VODKA MAN
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
