He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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