i jhust puked up my retainher.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
