Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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