i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize