it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
