I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
