How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
