Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
