I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
