You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
