guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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