Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
