If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize