You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
