If that was your dad, he is hot
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
