I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
