I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
