i was born a porn star she said
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
