Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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