I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
