I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
