I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
