zippers are such a cool invention
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize