I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
