that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
