It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think my nap took me to another dimension
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
