maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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