I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
