I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
