Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
