i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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