Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
