My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
