they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
