You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
