How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
