nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How's work?
Spinning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
