One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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