My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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