How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
