Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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