you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We are two peas in an std pod
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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