fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize