physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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