bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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