I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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