I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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