I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im holly from the hills drunk
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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