I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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