So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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