its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
