its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
