It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
