I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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