I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
