So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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